Achilles, Heal

It started slowly. An pang here, a twitch there.  A subtle twist around the bend, a tightening up on the turn, a soft throbbing down the hill. Aches and pains are part and parcel of any physical activity. Running especially, considering the pounding the body gets as forces push and pull and bounce around like…

Nothing Is Wrong, But Nothing Seems Right

This seems just a little bit different.  It seems to be clinging on a bit more.  It seems to be a bit deeper.  There is a cloak feeling to it, as opposed to strips of it passing over me like those dull blue scrubbers at the car wash. I can’t put my finger on it,…

Who Do You Think You Are?

One of the greatest struggles I have had in my recovery so far is the question of who am I? Or namely, who am I meant to be?  And that is really what it comes down to.  Who am I meant to be, rather than who do I think I should be?  I lived a life…

The Pity Patter Of Little Defeats

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality” John Gardner Self-pity. The word itself (or compound word, at least) alone sounds desolate. The hyphen plays for dramatic pause. Looks wise, the hyphen resembles a metal bar between two heavy weights. A…

Odd Fellows

I am a grateful recovered alcoholic. The first time I heard someone say that, I was taken aback, and thought it…odd.  Grateful?  For what exactly? We’re these sick, ostracized, mentally polluted and broken folk who have a lifetime of suffering and harm to make up for.  We’re this ragtag group of ne’er-do-wells who can’t hold their liquor,…

A Drug Is A Drug Is A Dog Is A Dachshund

We have a dachshund.  Crazy pile of bark on stumpy trunks, but he’s ours.  I have been known to walk him now and then (I am not the true enabler fusser-over of the dog – that’s my wife’s job).  The great thing is that when we talk to or run into other dog owners, we…

View From The Top

There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading in the same direction, so it doesn’t matter which path you take.  The only one wasting time is the one who runs around and around the mountain, telling everyone else that their path is wrong.” – Hindu Teaching I once heard a speaker on tape…

You Choo-Choo-Choose Me

“You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice. If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill; I will choose a path that’s clear I will choose freewill.” RUSH, “Freewill” Sometimes there is something that sticks in my craw,…

Breaking Anonymity, Or The Unmasking Of El Hijo Del Santo

I received an email yesterday from a woman whose son is an alcoholic and who has been struggling alongside her boy and his illness.  I recall talking to the young man last summer over the phone, who had planned on getting into the old treatment center I went to.  He was unsure of this proposition,…