The Myth of the Functional Alcoholic

So what the heck is a “functioning alcoholic”? There is this almost epic lore about the person who can drink excessively and daily, and somehow magically keep a career, a family and a life together without getting arrested, losing their job or getting divorced. This “unicorn” of the booze-hound family tree seemingly has the best…

Battling Envy

Okay, I admit – I get envious. Even a “spiritual giant” like myself (oops, I almost spit out my coffee there) sees what other people has and wishes he had what they had. In fact, that happened this morning to me. WTF, Pauly? (That is how I refer to myself when I am finger-wagging in…

No Shame In Shame

It seems that the longer I go down this journey of uncovering, discovering (and hopefully discarding and/or applying), the less I seem to know. The more I understand, the less I truly understand. The more questions I seem to answer only creates even more questions, like bunny rabbits left unchecked with Barry White music left…

California (Wine) Dreamin’

I sat in the dark bar. My right leg twitched to the beat of the steel drums in my head. I clutched a beer in my shaky hands. I wasn’t shaky from withdrawls, but from the gulping-type sobs which came from the depth of my soul. “How did I do this again? What am I…

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish…

If there’s one thing I am learning to do in my life, it’s to let go of the things that no longer serve me.  But it’s not always easy.  I have always liked clutching onto things, grasping at stuff that clearly no longer did me any good.  These days, ego or pride or just good…

Cleaning Up – Makeover From Within

Prison.  Police shoot outs. Bankruptcy. Eating out of dumpsters. Violent assaults. Prostitution. These are some of the things that many alcoholics and addicts endure or participate in as part of the lifestyle of addiction.  No one chooses those paths, per se, but as the illness deepens, so does the reaction to keep the lifestyle intact. …

Fetch Me A Thesaurus, Lad – It’s Time For The Word Of The Year

I don’t make new year’s resolutions.  And perhaps outside of some running targets I have in mind, I also don’t have goals.  I don’t do vision boards, and I don’t write down any sort of plans or schemes.  Perhaps I should, but for the most part I don’t like attaching myself to things like that….

Searching and Fearless

Inventory. For those who aren’t in 12-step recovery, that word probably ushers in thoughts of Starbucks-fuelled grad students counting sweaters in the back of H&M as one part of their under-paid job requirements. Knit-One Pearl-Two while the supervisor, youngest of the crew, checks off the stock pars and lists any extra items or items that…

Worthy

  I am always hesitant when I write something here on the blog.  When I write, I am usually focusing in on something that is ruminating in my mind, or perhaps touching on something that I am going through.  Usually, what I am going through isn’t all-consuming as I may make it seem to be….

Broken, Unbroken

These days are a blur, in some respects.  A whirlwind and yet standing still in some ways.  Like watching a top spin on the table.  Fixed, and yet eyes lost in the swirls of motion.  I run a lot these days.  I need to.  I like to.  And when I run, my body breaks down…