Sharing The Spirit

It’s a fear that I have never felt before. A big heap of vulnerability wrapped in imposter syndrome nestled in anxiety. It was a first for me – dropping a book onto unsuspecting and innocent bystanders. Letting go of something that has been “yours” for almost two years is terrifying. I knew the moment would…

Breaking The Stigma Of Alcoholism And Addiction From Within

I am a white-passing, middle-aged, professional, able-bodied heterosexual cisgender male. Therefore, I have never suffered at the hands of racism or sexism, implied or declared. I have not been denied a job interview or pulled over by the police haphazardly because of my skin colour, name or gender. I am in a place of privilege,…

Whirlwinds And Wound Healers

  “I’m not hurting anyone but myself.” This is a common declaration from active alcoholics when confronted about our drinking and our poor behaviour. You’ll find that nestled amongst other groovy expressions like “I know, but—” and “I’m fine” in the well-worn Handbook of Delusional Lines for Drunks we often kept in the library of…

Let it Floe

I was riding my bike home a few days ago and stopped at a red light. While I waited for the light to change, I saw a woman stop by a homeless man and offer him a large bag. He fingered through the bag, and started to pull out one sweater after another. Different colours….

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish…

If there’s one thing I am learning to do in my life, it’s to let go of the things that no longer serve me.  But it’s not always easy.  I have always liked clutching onto things, grasping at stuff that clearly no longer did me any good.  These days, ego or pride or just good…

Cleaning Up – Makeover From Within

Prison.  Police shoot outs. Bankruptcy. Eating out of dumpsters. Violent assaults. Prostitution. These are some of the things that many alcoholics and addicts endure or participate in as part of the lifestyle of addiction.  No one chooses those paths, per se, but as the illness deepens, so does the reaction to keep the lifestyle intact. …

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys, Not My Asics, Not My Brooks

I recently wrote about comparing myself, specifically to other runners.  I explored how this was something that cropped up in my life over and over again.  Not with runners per se, but in many other areas of my life.  And like one of those Whac-A-Mole games, when it disappeared from one part of my life,…

Just Another Friday Night Conversation With God

The appointments with Him are never scheduled. Well, at least they aren’t in any agenda book I have.  But He has his own timetable.  And shows up precisely when He’s needed.  And for me, it’s always been in the midst of a struggle / surrender / serenity cycle.  He’s the Closer when it comes to…

The Thief Of Joy

If there is a character defect of mine that likes to weigh me down, it’s that of comparing myself to others.  Yes, I have written about this before, and I am sorry to say, I will probably write about it again. And perhaps again after that. You’ve been warned. I am not sure why, but…

Sifting Through The Bones Of My Existence

It’s snowing out right now.  Fat flakes are blanketing the ground, muffling the sound of whooshing cars and buses.  I’ve got that fuzzy glow one gets from awaking from a nap. There is coffee at my side, and I’m listening to some gentle music.  I am alone in the house and taking in my breathing,…

Fetch Me A Thesaurus, Lad – It’s Time For The Word Of The Year

I don’t make new year’s resolutions.  And perhaps outside of some running targets I have in mind, I also don’t have goals.  I don’t do vision boards, and I don’t write down any sort of plans or schemes.  Perhaps I should, but for the most part I don’t like attaching myself to things like that….

Running With Wolves

I guess you can say this is a follow up to my last post about being a lone wolf. Since I wrote that post, I have taken a few actions.  To wit: I finally reached out to my sponsor and had a great discussion.  We caught up on some stuff going on with him, and…