About

I am a father, a husband, and a son. I am also a recovered alcoholic. I am 46 yrs old and drank for 25 of those years. I come from 12 step, but I am open to all forms of recovery and well being. I take my recovery seriously, but don’t take myself seriously (remember rule #62!)  Hospitals, jail cells, detox and the asylum (oops, I mean treatment center) brought me to a place of surrender and with the help of others and a connection to the Creator, I have been lifted to a place far better than I could have imagined in my entire life. Carrying the message is my duty and responsibility, which is one of the reasons I started this blog.   I am a garden variety alkie who expresses his opinions and experience here.  I wish you the best in your recovery and/or your journey to a newer and shinier you.

 

 

74 responses to “About

  1. Just found your blog from another blog (isn’t that how the blog world works?) and I love the message you share. I look forward to catching up and reading new posts. God bless.

    Sherry

  2. Thanks for the follow! I remember seeing your recent comment on ByeByeBeer’s latest post, and I was going to look you up, but you beat me to it. Happy to have connected here. I hope to post and comment more in the near future–life has thrown me a few curve balls lately. Take care, Christy

  3. I’m glad you found my blog! That way I can read your path through recovery. I think ED’s and alcohol addictions are quite parallel. I’m looking forward to reading you and I wish YOU the best in your recovery, Paul! Nice meeting ya.

    • You are right, ED’s and alcohol addictions can certainly come from the same place, emotionally…trying to fill a hole, a void in us that we couldn’t before…so very true. nice meeting you too!

  4. Thanks for liking my blog. I’m curious, do you have any brothers or sisters? I didn’t see that in your intro. Glad you found your way out of the bottle and are sharing the message. The Inside Out Men’s Home uses Celebrate Recovery which as I understand it is a combination of the 12-step principles and Biblical principles.

    • Hi Lisa – I do have a brother, in fact. Without getting into much, we don’t have much of a relationship, but who knows where things will lead? I do wish him well, thought. He is younger than me. Yes, I am blessed to be able to share the message of hope. It was carried to me and I feel a responsibility to do the same to others who suffer. It helps me too. I haven’t heard of Celebrate Recovery, but will certainly check it out…as I will continue to check out and read more from your blog. Thank you so much for being here.
      Paul

      • Celebrate Recovery was started at Saddleback Church in Southern CA and they even use it in prisons because of the recitavism rate. I didn’t check before coming over here to reply but i think there’s a link on my blog. I didn’t have much a relationship with my brother when he was drinking but we’ve got all of Eternity to walk along the Heavenly streets of gold and catch up. The sibling relationship intrigues me because when I was writing my book I had to do a market analysis and what was out there was written by recovered alcoholics or their parents. I still feel alone sometimes like the only little sister on the planet who had to watch her brother spiral out of control but now I follow a couple blogs and have a couple facebook friends and know I’m not alone. On the other hand sometimes I wish I was the only one–I wish other people didn’t have to go through this same pain.

  5. I found your blog, and I’m really glad I did. My mother also a “recovering” alcoholic. If she were to write an ‘about me’ section it would almost match yours apart from the ‘I take my recovery seriously’ as she is still drinking despite all the detox centers, police involvement, social service involvement, support groups, medical warnings, self-help books and mindfulness.

    I think that’s why I am so interested in your blog. I want to know from what source do you gain your strength through that my mother hasn’t? She was told that if she continues she will be dead in >5 years; yet she continues, ignoring the fact that my siblings are still young enough to need her care for at least another 10/15 years.

    Also, as a child of an alcoholic, without needing to know the in-depth details, I must say thank you; you have done more for your children than you can imagine. You have taught them strength and willpower and most importantly that you love yourself and them too much to let a substance ruin everything. I hope this post hasn’t come across wrong.

    My main point was, I understand how hard a road it is, and I have the up most respect for you.

    • Hi Natasha – I am really glad we’ve connected – I have lurked in your blog (lol) and have made the rare move of not commenting (but I promise to!) – I usually like commenting away. I am sorry to hear that your mother is still suffering from this. I can go through that checklist you gave and say “yup” as I check them off. I have been through all of that. All. And it’s really hard, and even harder to watch, I can only imagine. I don’t think I would have the strength to watch a loved one go through what I did – I wouldn’t have the patience, so I can only say how lucky I am to have such a wonderful wife, patient parents and amazing friends and family.

      To be honest, it wasn’t so much inner strength – it was sheer desperation and have gone through so much that I just said one day that I was DONE. That was it – it was utter demoralization and knowing that I would die from it. Well, let me rephrase. I knew I would die from it, but kept drinking. But there was something in me that just knew that I couldn’t do it any longer…it was surrender. It isn’t until we get full surrender then we can start to recover.

      Thank you so kindly for these comments. I never know who will read this (and for a long time, no one did…it was more a place for me to just write and nothing else), and I am glad we have connected. It feels very powerful.

      Thank you.

      You have certainly made this all worth it. I wish you and your mother nothing but a healthy road ahead.

      Paul

  6. Great to hear you have turned your life around. I wonder when time comes that you know you have to take steps to getting help. Is it when you realise you have tried on your own before and failed and you got sick of the struggle, or because there was literally no where lower to go? Curious for a loved one…..
    Good luck with it all, sending blogging blessings and regular blessings to you!

    • Thank you so much! Sorry for the late response. To your question – it was a bit of everything, in terms of trying on my own and failing, AND getting sick of the struggle AND there really wasn’t any lower to go…my choices would have been jail, the hospital or the morgue. We alcoholics eventually get covered up, locked up or sobered up, as they say. I had enough pain and suffering and realized that I was DONE for good and for all. I couldn’t go it any more. I had no more fight in me. I had to push ego aside for a moment and realize I couldn’t do it any more.

      And in that surrendering, I found the strength to continue and get into detox, treatment and AA. I haven’t found it necessary to put a drink in me for almost two years now.

      Thank you so much for coming by…I hope to visit your blog too.

      Blogging blessings back!

      Paul

  7. Just found your blog- I’m on this recovery journey as well- I’m a mother of 2- 30 something… Blessings to you! Keep up the great work!

  8. Love your rule #62 🙂

    I don’t know why I didn’t stop by here before. It’s great to read you that bit closer.

    Alcohol, such a sinister spirit. I started in teens, been drinking 30 years. It’s now on the peripheral of my life, almost kicked. There’s an element of me that holds on to it. I can’t figure that as I consciously prefer sobriety, clear headedness, more productive and alert days. Yet sometimes I just want to hit myself over the head with a bottle.

    I’m on a 100 day challenge (day 2!!). I was not able to manage 10 days, so when I saw a blog saying ‘Make this pledge, I won’t drink no matter what… etc.. and send me an email stating ‘Sober today'” – when I saw that on the weekend, I thought I’d do it. Alcohol has ceased to be the big problem it was, but there is clearly something about me that seeks to sabotage myself from time to time.

    Anyway! Thank you for being there, true and honest.

    • Thanks for the stop by and comment, Noeleen 🙂

      I am thrilled that booze is on the peripheral on your life. Dang…wish it was on mine all those years. But it is what it is, and this is where our journeys take us, yes? We have crossed paths here, my friend, and I take that with a sense of wonderment and joy. And speaking of joy – you have joined Belle’s 100 day challenge, have you? Seems like she has really gathered something special there, with so many wonderful women like yourself on board. What a beautiful thing! I am glad you are a part of it.

      And thank you for being a part of things here. I am very touched that you commented…and for reading.

      Blessings,
      Paul

  9. Just found your blog! Thanks for sharing:) I am new to sobriety and finding a great deal of comfort in the blogs like yours. Writing my own blog is also therapeutic. Thanks for your honesty. Feels good to know I am not the only 40 something year old and the only alcoholic out there:-)

    • Glad we ran into one another, Kristin. I have checked out your blog and certainly look forward to reading more. I too find writing cathartic and a good way to let the squirrels run loose, so to speak. And yeah, no shortage of us 40 somethings out there who enjoyed (and hated) numbing with the booze 🙂

      Blessings and thank you for the comments,

      Paul

  10. Hi Paul,

    Thank you for the follow. I’ve read many of your comments on Christy’s blog. She has the highest regard for you, and so do I. I apologize that it’s taken me this long to share that with you. I’m looking forward to reading your blog postings.

    It’s a pleasure to ‘officially’ meet you. 🙂

    Victoria

    • Hi Victoria,

      yes! So glad that we have finally hooked up out here. I know you from Christy’s blog and I have also seen you on Eric’s (Le Clown) regularly. Your vulnerability post was fantastic and decided I needed to follow you 🙂

      I too look forward to reading your wise and insightful work. It’s a pleasure to have another ally and comrade out here.

      Love and light,
      Paul

      • Thank you, Paul. I feel I should note (or perhaps warn you) that in some of my blog postings, on both blogs, I have talked about religion, and it’s negative impact on me, on others and society as a whole. For many, religion and God/Creator are synonymous. It is never my intention to offend anyone, or their faith. It’s only to point out how harmful religion can be, and has been. It’s about the ‘traditions of men’ — those who will do just about anything to control others, often for the sake of a ‘reward’, as in approval and a pass through the pearly gates.

        Returning that love and light,

        Victoria

        • No worries, Victoria – I am not religious in any formal matter. I am surrounded by many who embrace certain religions, those who are indifferent / agnostic / atheist, and those who have difficult relationships / different vies on religion. It’s not at all tied into what I call the Creator. There’s lots of room on this ship 🙂

          Paul

  11. Author Catherine Lyon told me about your blog because we share a certain….problem. I have seen that we all tend to follow the same patterns and past to some extent. I am looking forward to reading more.

    • Ah Catherine – what a wonderful person. And yes, seems like we share a common problem. But we also have solutions if and when we want them. Took me a while to get there, I can tell you. Too long, if truth be told. Almost killed me. Anyway, welcome. I am certainly going to check out your corner of the world, kind sir.

      Blessings,
      Paul

  12. Beautiful site and words…I’m hooked and ready to read more. I’m also glad to see that you and Christy (runningonsober and Christina’s words) found each other–she is amazing!
    I can see that you are, too 🙂
    Looking forward to seeing more!

    • Thank you so much for your warm and generous comments. Christy is fantastic, isn’t she? She has inspired more people than I can even count, myself included. I was drawn to your energy and your way of expressing yourself. I look forward to reading your work 🙂

      Blessings,
      Paul

    • He’s a good man, indeed. I am just starting to get out of my little corner of the world and engaging and being a part of a greater family. I really enjoyed what I have seen so far in your blog. I look forward in reading more 🙂

      Love and light,
      Paul

      • Paul,
        I agree. I can relate to what you’ve said. I need to reconnect to my fellow bloggers who have helped me get to this point and expand out to ones who are new to me as well. Life gets in the way sometimes, lol.

        I’m glad what I’m sharing is relatable for you.

        Be well,
        Kina

    • I never thought of it that way! That made me smile, Ann. thank you for that gift!

      Glad you’re here too.

      Going to see what’s going on in your corner of the world 🙂

      Blessings,
      Paul

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  14. Hi! I keep seeing you around so I thought I better come check out your blog. 🙂 Congratulations on your recovery. That takes a lot of hard work and commitment so you have much to be proud of. I look forward to reading more.

    • Hi Deanna – thanks for stopping by! And thanks for the kind words too. I’ve been enjoying stepping out of the recovery world a bit and checking out what you “normal” people have been up to…lol. I look forward to reading more of your words too – following back 🙂

      Love and light,
      Paul

    • Oh my stars…how embarrassing. How did I miss this?! I am sorry – I have been taking a break from the blog, so saw this today. Ack! Anyway, thank you so much for your kindness and generosity. I am flattered 🙂 I hope that you have a wonderful weekend and congrats to you on all the awards you got nominated for!!

      Blessings,
      Paul

  15. Husband, father, son, 42 years old. Ditto on all four. 25 years of drinking out of the 42? Give or take, yeah. That too. But you must have started regular consumption a bit younger, because I only have 73 days since my last drink, while you’re in long enough to have sponsees. Thanks for writing here. I need to read good words from people with time. And it helps when I’ve got some stuff in common with the writer.

    • Hey you,

      You’re too kind. I think you may have picked up on the fact that I don’t really do awards here. I struggled with it for a while, whether to do awards or not, and I guess I figured the blog wouldn’t “look” right with the badges, etc. but I am always flattered and honoured when someone nominates me. So big hugs to you for doing that! Means a lot.

      Hope you are well, my friend 🙂

      Paul

      • Hahaha. Yeah, I’m struggling a bit too actually. I have some other awards since way back that I haven’t attended to. I think I’m going to start not accepting as well. I just nominated you because I think you’re a great writer and really appreciate you.
        🙂
        Yes, I’m well thanks. Hope you are too.

        Staci

        • I know – sometimes you get folks who blow it all out at once! lol. But it’s sweet, in the end. It’s like a virtual pat on the back 🙂

          Thank you for what you say – I love your writing / poems too. There is a reason our paths crossed. Let’s hope they stay crossed for a while!

          Paul

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  18. Hi, I’m thinking that i am glad i found this blog and others! I havent had a drink for 10 months, though my whole life I heard that small still voice telling me to give it up. It didnt ruin my life, i was the very very funcional alcoholic, ( and dysfuncional while alone.). When I got so gravely ill with another physical/cerebral issue, that was it. Hadn’t had a desire for so long and recently the “need” is creeping in again. My whole story is on blog which started to not go bonkers on bedrest for so long. Anyway, will subscribe and hope to pass by more often. 🙂 Mar

  19. Cool !!
    Picking up inspiration from you & others.
    I been happy joyous free & sober for 8 years now. I’m brand new to the blogging & tweeting world.
    I’ll be back to visit yours!!

  20. Hi Paul. Just discovered KLEN and SOBER which led me to you. Am listening to the podcast you did with Chris and Jeff and getting so much from the conversation as I am about a year and a half sober now…Anyway, looking forward to getting familiar with your blog and thoughts…Thanks.

  21. Thanks for your openness about your experience with recovery! So important to help fight the stigma!

    I wanted to encourage you to check out Quartet’s Patient Advisory Committee, it’s a cool opportunity for people who are open to sharing their experiences with chronic behavioral health conditions to make an impact: http://www.quartethealth.com/patients

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