Where Are The Dude Bloggers?

Lots of beautiful women’s sober blogs out there (I read and comment daily as much as I can) and there is a lot of wonderful support amongst the sisters.

Where the dudes? I feel like the creepy stalker on the ladies’ blogs at times! I know there are a scant handful of guys out there, but perhaps because we’re guys, the expectation is that we’re lone wolves. I’ve done that my entire life and I guess I am to continue that?

Curious. Oh well.

Have a wonderful day, ladies!

19 Comments Add yours

  1. byebyebeer says:

    There aren’t as many, true, but don’t feel creepy! We’re all going through the same thing, so gender matters very little in my eyes anyway.

    1. Thanks BBB – you’re absolutely right of course. I didn’t at all intend to say that men and women are different in their addiction and their recovery. Of course alcoholism is alcoholism and it doesn’t care race, sex, age, how much you have in the bank account, etc. I was just trying to give a shout out to the fellas out there, is all.

      I was told early on in my recovery that if I respected a woman’s sobriety, I was not to talk to her (it was a female counselor that told us guys at treatment). And I still don’t approach women or speak to women at AA meetings unless they come up to me, or unless I know them already. I am always concerned about looking like a 13th stepper (men who prey on vulnerable new women), so I keep my distance. I think that is why I was feeling a bit creepy. Kind of silly, I know. πŸ™‚

      Thanks for your comment – means a lot.

  2. Kayko says:

    Right here, Bro. Realtimerecovery.wordpress.com. Maybe we’ve connected already. But I agree with byebyebeer. We’re all in the same boat. Check out http://arlynnpresser.com/2013/02/12/the-rock-bottom-opens-to-reveal-the-next-rock-bottom/ May be female, but her post today reads like the worst of my final days drinking.

    1. Hi Kayko – yes! We have connected already. Love your blog, and thanks for the link.

      The most harrowing stories I have heard have all come from women. I would be in meetings, listening to this well dressed woman tell her story, and leave wondering how it is that she was standing there, alive. I don’t think I would have made it through what most of these women have.
      I love recovery anything – blogs, forums, books, movies, etc. so I am always up for some more links, etc. Thank you so much for responding. Have a great day! Paul

  3. Number 9 says:

    ha ha ha love this… dude bloggers, feeling like a creepy stalker … if you venture out of the sober blog world there are cool dude bloggers of other subject matters. I read a couple on freshly pressed today that were awesome. it’s always easier to find the women, I think. we’re all relational and interconnected… i bet the sober dudes are out there! keep looking lol.

    1. I’ll keep my eye out…I know there are a few great guys that I have already seen – just hoping to see more of them! As far as the other subject matter – that means I will have to find interest in other things? Oh man….might be asking too much…getting out of my recovery geekdom. Ha ha.

  4. Lilly says:

    Yeah, I’ve wondered about that too – where the dudes are that is. Maybe it’s just that typical gender thing that women are more likely to seek solace and answers by communicating? I mean, not to be gender stereotypical but it is clearly noteable in the sobersphere.

    You’re right that addiction is irrespective of gender (age, class, race, sexuality) but it’s still nice to hear the male voices too so keep it up guys. I just followed you too Kayko. πŸ™‚

    Lilly x

    1. I think there is truth in what you say, Lilly. Perhaps the stronger sense of community and communication is stronger with women than it is men, an innate pull of support, hence reaching out via blogging. Regardless, I think the voices of the gentleman are also important! There is a different energy and perspective, even though we are all in the same boat. Thanks for the comment!

  5. michelle says:

    Yes, more ‘men’ blogs would be great! Although I agree that we’re all in the same boat, how we process info and act on it is often quite different between men and women. If you’re a man, I can see how you’d want that shared perspective….

    1. Hey Michelle, your comment reminded me of some of the recovery books that I own that are geared towards men – a man’s way through the 12 steps and a Hazeldon Men’s daily reflection book. They speak more to how men are brought up to believe that being strong and silent is how we are supposed to be, and working through the issues of opening up and the relationships we have with women and other men.

      Thanks for the comment – wonderful πŸ™‚

  6. furtheron says:

    Does seem many more recovery blogs are written by women – we men should stick together!

    1. Dudes unite! Like I said, I love all recovery blogs…but there is nothing wrong with another gent on the roster to bounce things off of. πŸ™‚ Glad you’re here and for your blog too! Paul

  7. drizleslator says:

    Thanks, Dude. We appreciate your support no matter what your flavor is.

    1. Thanks! I like that line of yours…gonna swipe it! And of course, all support is support, regardless of where it originates from and where it lands. Thanks for the groovy comment πŸ™‚

  8. waynemali says:

    You know what, I often wondered the same thing, most of the blogs I follow and those that follow me are female, 90% of my comments are from female bloggers, it’s seems us men don’t like sharing our inner feelings, but the truth is to fight this addiction you have to admit those feelings and let them out.
    Feel free to drop by my blog any time.

    1. Well said, Wayne. You’re bang on about that. As mentioned already, there is a more innate compulsion from women to seek out community and there is an innate compulsion from men to do things alone. Generalizations, yes, but there is a nugget of truth, methinks. Hazeldon has several daily meditation / reading books, and I have the one for men. And while most of the readings can apply to both genders, there are days where they speak specifically to men’s resistance to opening up, or playing the role that we learned from other males in our lives, and/or societal dictations. So it’s important for me to get past this, and to actually communicate. That is one reason why I have this blog, is that I *need* to share, I need to get things out, I need to *connect* with others. I am active on recovery message boards / forums, and I meet other men in the fellowship for coffee or talk on the phone. These are things I never did when I drank – I isolated.

      Anyway, didn’t mean to ramble there, but I really appreciate what you said, and it’s great to hear these things come from other men, as have done here. And I will certainly visit your blog. It would be my honour.


      1. waynemali says:

        Thanks Paul
        Us men seem to be afraid of showing deep emotion and crying is a weakness we certainly hide, I’ve done so much crying over the last year I’m now comfortable with it, it’s part of who I am.
        Holding onto my emotions almost destroyed me and I’m not letting that happen again.
        So glad you popped by my blog, I hope you enjoyed it and find it of some help.

  9. Lisa L Keck says:

    I think bloggers in general are women so it’s no surprise that the same holds true for the subject of sobriety related blogs. I feel a little odd myself sometimes having never been an addict. I’m the surviving little sister (who by the way is a bit weirded out that your name appears to be Paul because that was my brother’s name) and I’m just sharing my side of the story but reading also helps me understand what really may never be understood.

    1. Hi Lisa – I didn’t realize that bloggers in general were women. I guess I haven’t really gotten outside of my recovery blog cocoon! I wouldn’t feel odd about not having been an addict…there is enough out there for us to work with and struggle with without something that is deadly and soul sucking as addiction…especially when some of us don’t make it. The thing about my name and your brother’s name Paul…is it odd, or is it God? Addiction strikes so many people, not just the addict. We need to hear those stories too. Thank you for sharing – I certainly know what it’s like to be an alcoholic, but nothing to be someone affected by it.


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