I sit in a coffee shop awaiting my lawyer’s phone call to tell me what is happening. I am across the street from the court houses. The court room I am scheduled to be in also has people with charges of breaking and entering, firearms possession, theft over $5000, fraud, sexual assault, etc. So it puts what I did in perspective to the danger and severity of it all. It also puts me in the place of realizing that I am here (and others including my son) by the Grace of God. That I am here to do His work.
I know that I cannot control the outcome of this, so I understand that I will be getting what I need, not necessarily what I want. It’s not always that the two collide and conjoin, but I can only pray and hope that I get acquitted. Regardless of the outcome, I still need to be on my spiritual journey. And if more pain (my punishment) is what God sees for me to grown, then that is what I am meant to have. And grow I will.
Self pity is not a healthy thing, and I can see myself getting into that spot. But I have faith that I would move away from that even if I am convicted. Like anger, it’s a luxurious emotion I can’t afford. So I will turn to others to help as I go through this. I have heard stories in the last two days that make mine seem not as bad. Yesterday I worked with my sponsee, went to a meeting, and helped some others online. It’s like my Higher Power sent all that to help me have the strength to go through this.
And so it goes. It’s 10:00am exactly. My trial has started.
Let’s see where God puts me.