I was in a big book meeting last night and a gentleman shared something that stayed with me long after the meeting ended.
He told us that it took him 11 years to get his one year medallion. Reason being that he was not able to forgive himself for all the things that he had done. He felt that there was no way that a God could forgive him his trespasses, and therefore he could not forgive himself. If a power greater than himself couldn’t forgive him, how could he do so? This was what sheared and beat him him down over and over, coming in and out of the program, never finding that solid footing that he needed.
But one day, remembering chapter one of the Big Book, “Bill’s Story”, he recalled that he could make a God of his understanding. This very simple, yet powerful, discovery for him immediately moved him to create a forgiving God. A Higher Power who could bestow upon him Grace, who would wash away those harms from him. And in doing this, he was able to forgive himself. And in doing this, the obsession to drink lifted, and he hasn’t found it necessary to put any alcohol into his system.
This story was a great reminder that I need a power to plug into all the time, and that only God can fix a God-created thing. I am grateful that I have my Higher Power and that my Higher Power watches over me, guides me, directs me and uses me as an instrument to do His will. Me doing that for myself? Nah….doesn’t work!